awright...
all of em buggers are slowly moving out of Kolkata... Arjun is a Mumbai man now... and from the scene of things, i dont think hes moving anywhere else very soon.
Everyone has moved on with thier lives, ever so fast faced all over the face of this earth. Everyone i knew is walking the path to different lives, and different situations.
I dont know what the city will look like for me in the next couple of years, somehow i have a feeling that im going right back to it once im done with my studies.
People say its a dead city, but then again, i think there is more it to it than that, people everywhere need a place to stay, and as long as that is there, people like me come into the picture... the never ending business of construction.
But then again, its fab to see all this, people movin on in different directions....
It was a revelation for me, when i came here four years ago, to live on my own, to grow on my own, today i guess its the same for everyone else who's moving away... in one way or the other
cheers mates... to our new lives...

ah well....
my forgetful self...
sometimes i wonder why i forget somethings in one moment...
if ur wondering what im aiming at... well thats meant for me to know and you to guess...
but its rather human to be like this....
or so they say....

I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name

I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear
Without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name

Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building
Then burning down loveBurning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do
The city's aflood
And our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Trampled in dust
I'll show you a place
High on a desert plain
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name

We're still building
Then burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do
Our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the windOh, and I see love
See our love turn to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the windOh, when I go thereI go there with you
It's all I can do....

lovely aint it?

this aint fair...
i so wanted to get wet in the rain today.... just stand there for sometime...
and now it aint raining anymore...

i wonder if the weather has also become a lot like a lot of people i know...
like u end up having to swear at them for things to work...
lol... well... i said it was hot and sticky.... but now its back to bieng to its age old self....
nice and windy..... rather.. amazing actually

see... this is what happens..... i praised the weather yesterday and now its back to bieng all hot and sticky.. im supposed to do a lot of work today...
my admit card.... my thesis synopsis... everything goes in today....
well its all a matter of a few print outs so.... :)

thought of the day :

Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd.

(1887 - 1964), Taken Care Of ,1965

hmmm...
the bloody weather, so bloody rocks....
i love the wind blowing against my face.... the rain outside my window... the cuppa coffee with me as i stare out....

ive been trying myself to start studying in advance for seven sems. now... lol
wondering whether its going to do any good trying this time..... the last week seems to have dissappeared into thin air... we've done nothing...

i shall of course travel to the city tommorrow.. or so i hope... maybe i wont ....
i shall be using the telephone to good effect... lets see if the buggers there listen....

remenescence of old times.... its all so bitter sweet...
just a month ago is old now....
i wonder.... how long will everything in our lives keep floating...
when does it all settle down...

suprise..surprise....
Masood Hussain turned up out of the blue..... nice to see him doing well, nd looking rather well fed... rather interesting...
Its good to see him.... with all the people leaving.... him coming back has been quite a revelation....
Varma left the other day.... the evenings are not the same anymore... thanks to this net connection.... we're occupied to some extent... but beyond that we've been constantly looking for something to do...

I dont know about everyone else... but i do miss the evenings... bitchin.. laughing... pulling each others legs... there is just so much we have done... that.... i dont know...
There seems to be no reason to go out, because noone calls us anymore... noone hollers... "ABHIIII.... chal juice pe ke aate hain"

things are so different.... it doesnt seem like its going to be the same anymore... everyone has moved on...as must we...

right...
well i had an appointment with sreedhar today, he made it rather clear to everyone who visited him yesterday that he wont be seeing anyone between 10 and 11 today cause the three of us were supposed to land up.

its 10:30... and our man is nowhere to be found... he isnt picking up his cell, someone even suggested that he might be indulging in his first love, food and might have turned his cell off while doing so !! so much for mental peace !!

next semester is going to be weird. Us worker ants have this rather bad habit of slogging through classes starting at 7:30... but now... one single design project... come and go as one might please... just wondering whether any works going to get done...

im planning on designing a bio tech facility in Kolkata... rather Calcutta... i so wonder what its going to turn out to be ultimately...

hmmmm... so much for today....

the young kid who lives uptairs..... studies like a dog.... lol... bloody hell all the enthu in first year... happens ever so often.... but we definitely are converting him into a cynic... debate all the unimportant things... and forget about the imp. ones :)

o guys... the big man isnt around... i kinda didnt notice... so here goes him too.. !!

Arunav left the other day, probably cause we've all got very little to do for the next week, we've all been thinking a lot about how lifes going to change as these guys move on... and in six months so do we....

well, noone seems to be able to reach a conclusion, so here goes.... our times in the last one year....


bloody jha wanted a snap for orkut, kept making everyone click... this was the best... what an irony...!!



met tk at garuda... bugger had turned up at empire to pee when we landed up there, tagged along after that.... good old days with him too (check out my fundo hair do... lol.... bloody i look like a joker, and tk looks drunk as ever)


sometimes we'd all just get down to hogging on good food, for no god damn reason... one of those days... the guys other than sid... hes probably in the kitchen coochy cooing !! :)




and the gurls !! :)



and me..!! lol



arunavs birthday.... lol.. dude the thought of that day makes me smile :)



sid and arunav on his birthday




there is so much more i can upload.... so many pictures, but the memories cant be put up here... neither can crack all the stupid jokes weve laughed at.... :) love yall dudes, youve kept me alive

I don’t mean to sound old and philosophical, nor do I mean to crib, one has to do what they have to do, to get on in life. People have complained, and sometimes quite rightly so, (sometimes only) that I crib too much, but believe me, I really have never wanted to. Its been an outburst of what I see around me, which I believe is wrong. I guess I tend to speak too much about what I feel is not right or involves too much effort, rather than just doing it, which in human perception is considered as a sign of strength. But believe me fellas, never have I ever, ever shied away from work or effort or anything of the kind.

Come to think if it, its been a long journey here in Tumkur. As much as I have hated the place in the past, it seems to have grown onto me, probably because of the type of company I have here, as well as our completely crazy lifestyle, which frankly no one tends to object on.

Wake up when you want, do whatever you want, with the obvious limits of monetary constraints. Time seems to have lost its cycle. Ankit lives off a different time zone and it doesn’t actually matter as long as he puts in the required hours in front of the computer or the drafting table, as the situation may demand. Sid seems to have gone into maximum productivity mode during the wee hours of the night as he does the best of all he does between midnight and five in the morning. I on the other hand seem to be the only person who lives of the IST, sleeping around two and waking up accordingly in the not so early hours of the morning, say around eight ??!!

The only problem that comes into question here is, what will happen once we’re out of here ? I mean how is a company or an enterprise going to deal with our weird hours and productivity periods ? But then again we defy this too, by experiment we’ve seen that the time table can be rescheduled in no time at all !! All it takes is an excrutiating stay awake period at your regular sleeping hours and bingo you’re back in what we tend to call the regular hours.

Arunav left yesterday. A chapter closed in the prolific history of doing absolutely nothing and still enjoying ourselves. We’ve spent a countless number of hours commenting on movies and the flaws that they have, laughing about stupid things, ignoring important things such as exams and like, and debating the most non consequencial issues on the planet. I stood there right in front of the bus stand as he sped away in the Volvo heading towards Pune, wondering what life would be like when all these guys would leave. I stood there thinking, staring into the horizon as long as I could see the bus(which was quite a bit considering the straight road, rather large size of the bus, and the bare naked roads owing to the felling of all the trees around them, they say its been done to widen the roads, bah ! ) and wondering what it would take to assimilate another group of friends so close that they would run out in their pyjamas in the middle of the night if you were in trouble.

Some say this is not the end but just the beginning. College is going to get over at the undergraduate level in no time at all, but it doesn’t feel like four years have gone by. It seems like school got over ever so recently and college hasn’t been so long. All the guys I knew in school have moved on in life. Hardly anyone remains in the city of Kolkata, or rather Calcutta as I prefer calling it. Whoever remains there has changed ever so rapidly, that at times it gets difficult to relate to them considering the fact that the experiences that we have had in the past four years have been so varied. They have changed, as have I, but the underlying factors still bond us, hence despite all the differences, whenever you know someone is in town you tend to do whatever it takes to meet up with them, no matter what.

The last, semi reunion that we had in Bangalore last month was such a revelation. We hardly had spent ten minutes with each other, when we started taking each others trip, I mean it was so funny man, but at the same time it was wonderful.

It is the same case in most peoples lives, when you are somewhere you dream about being somewhere else and how great life would be there. As a child you always wanna grow up, as a teenager you miss being a child but wanna be an adult because of all the freedom that comes with it. Only when you become an adult that you realize that old age is not so inviting and hope to age with dignity. The same way, I always wanted to get out of here, but today when everyone is leaving, this place seems so much better than all the places I have been, with the possible exception of home. In the last few months, we have stopped referring to our place of residence as a flat, rather unconsciously though, we have started calling it home. I very recently recognized this and blamed it on the tremendous power man has to adapt to his immediate environment, but dude, is that all that there is to it.

I have met so many people in my life, people who influenced me to a very large extent, and then disappeared from my life. Every single individual I have met has taught me so much, that words would fail to describe everything. They have moulded me, into what I am today, for better or worse. Relationships have given me essential lessons in life, thank you everyone, for every moment I have spent with you, enjoyed myself, felt loved and cared for, hated and thrown right out of your lives, willingly and not so willingly. But I guess you had to move on, find your own goals, enjoy your own freedom, a part of your lives where I did not find any part. I realize today that as much as I wanted to be with you’ll, it doesn’t happen that way all the time, sometimes its far more different and difficult to deal with someone like me, than I would imagine. I have been a jerk, been difficult and stupid, to the limit that I would not tolerate myself if I were in your place, but you have done it more than once, thank you.

I guess everyone goes through all this in their lives, everyone feels like they are doing the right thing, sometimes pushing it all, because you feel desperate to have something that you so desire, and which for the moment seems more important than anything else in the world. The problem being, that all of us have this great desire to be liked and felt wanted, unless of course you are some sociopath. But then again there comes a phase when you realize that all this isn’t the end of the world, it is far more important to bow out with grace and dignity than hang with a loose thread with none at all.

To all the people, I have wronged, for what its worth, I’m sorry, if you’ve decided to exclude me from your lives I respect that decision. To all those people who I have been a jerk with, trust me, in my right mind I have never ever wanted to be that way, its just that… I don’t know…

If you are tolerating me, thanks, if you aren’t, a heartfelt goodbye…. Someday when we meet again, maybe we can start out afresh, and maybe things won’t be as complicated.

Ps: Please forgive my cribbing, I’m trying my best to put a stop to it. People have already started complaining about my emotionless mechanical nature, but really, I’m not like that, I guess I haven’t learnt how to communicate what I feel all the time, in the most effective manner, but then again that’s no excuse. I’m trying… sincerely.

aha...
well if one were to read the last few entries in my blog, youd tend to believe that i am some sort of manic depressive idiot... lol...
it aint so... its just that... its not been a ball game all the time... and not that i expect it to be.... nor should it be like that...

if anyone in the world has been reading it.... well... im not cribbing... im just venting... its a way of making sure people arent effected by my frustrations...

a bit tired now... the last week has been a haze.... too much happening...

things are going to be different... i can feel it.. and im not complaining.. there are like shit loads of people who i wanna talk to... i wanna answer.... old questions... give so many people a dose of thier own medicine....

ive been quiet too long.... for the sake of decency.... cause i hate fighting... cause i like some people... and i dont give a flying fuck even if they hate me...cause ill always be there... but people,..come on get over it... stop for heavens sake.... dont push me.... if u dont like me... ask me to go... i will... but dont push.... it hurts...

i so goddamn hate it when this happens..... i hate loosing my temper... i hate it... it happens like once in months and i hate it.... i dont like bieng like this.. talking like this.... thinking like this.. .i sure am better the way i am.... numb....
i hate this sensation... cause i dont know what to do with it... how to get rid of it.....
come to think of it... its like that with everything now... i hate it...