I got this message today,
"Be like a bird which does not carry all that is not needed, Happy New Year"... lovely way to put it... This year has been one of the weirdest in many years for me... and I do hope there is lot better in store in 2009. Why weird... hmmm.... well.... because it has seen revelations like never before, the kinds which can alter the way someone can think or lead his or her life.

Im not a whiner, and never will be... Im not the victim... not yet.... May this year bring forth the best in everyone, may you all get what you deserve.... leave behind all the baggage and fly high.... soar like an eagle... and be as agile as a sparrow....

The world is at the cross roads now. I would say what happened in Mumbai has rocked the sensibilties of a lot of people across all quarters. Life has always been a struggle for many a Mumbaikar, but now the show of empathy makes sense as they see their lives, cursed and hell like earlier, in more light and realise how the uninteresting in fact is stable. Over the years wherever such crazy incidents have taken place, a section of society has seen a massive change in their mindsets. The same seems to be happening here.

Life is so complicated that more often than not we fall into the traps that we have created for ourselves. The mind can become one's biggest enemy at times, where ones problems seem much larger and more difficult than the rest of the worldput together. It is tragedy across the board that makes us realise how priviliged we infact are.

I thought things were all going wrong for me. But then, when I think of the guy who got shot because he missed a train to Calcutta and the mother who is nursing a child who was shot at with a dead husband and a bullet in her leg, I think my problems are nothing. Im but a well to do young man dealing with his own mind more than anything else.

The name of the blog is apt for the situation. It is the black matter which acts up in most of us, and when the white matter comes flying at us straight in the face thats when grey matter is actually formed. Ladies and Gentleman, life isnt as difficult as we think. There are difficult and easy moments, let us nt confuse them both to make a mess of the whole thing. BUT you out there... thanks for everything... but the most for the lesson you have taught me... Whenever you read this, let a little bit of voltage run through your whole body, because all that you do comes back to you.... more importantly... the more you give... the more you get...
Life strong, be well, and remember you are my best memory... cheers ! :)

two years...
a gazillion milliseconds...
its all there.... right in front of me...
an out of body experience.... its easy to analyse now.. to find flaws...
to talk about it now.. it was difficult then... its difficult now...
well life's difficult...
do whatever suits u.. always... do whatever suits u... be selfish... be u...

Q. Whats an addiction ??
Ans. Something that causes to rule over your mind, and not the other way around. Ive tried analysing the dynamics of this, and have unfortunately failed. It makes no sense, and hence I cant seem to analyse it. Why would man pay for his or her own destruction is beyond my understanding, but yet it happens and happens all the time. Its almost as if habits satisfy us, they satisfy our existence.

We're often beaten and bruised by this addiction, hurt very badly, emotionally or even physically to say the least, but thats hardly a deterrent for us addicts, we still push on, because we like this addiction, we're in love with how it feels.
This addiction is self defacing, it leaves no self respect, which seems so trivial in the search of happiness. Unfortunately, this self defacing battle is more often than not lost, and one is left with a few memories to salvage and a self preservation instinct that makes you think, its better now than later. Thanfully you fold shop, with sharp thoughts of a future that never was. You say your goodbye's and try and salvage whatever is left, but the bloody addiction doesnt let go... its a parasite that you cant live without... unfortuntely.... one must make mind rule over matter.. because its now or never...

Am at the fag end of my PSAC (= Parents sponsored academic career! )... another two months and Ill be outta here. A journeyI started when I was four is now set to move into a chapter called prologue. Unfortunately, things always wern't as expected, considering the sample size I'm talking about here (5 years of Architecture and almost 2 year of management), this is quite a number I'm talking about.

With practically nothing to do after my last exams, I figured out that Ive taken close to 500 exams in the last ten years, to come where I stand today. Unfortunately, one would have exepected to be at the gates of heaven after so many tests ( to which I have stood tall and defiant, if not worthy), but have in fact arrived at the cross roads of my life. Now there are two roads that move out from here, an old adage says that the path less travelled has always made man a better person, and the other says "!#@$% u crazy ?? Relax will you ??"

A hundred years ago listening to the old sages with white beards may have been the order of the day, but I do suppose junk food and modern life has made me retarded enough not to realise the obvious choice. Karma they say, is the way to salvation, on the other hand, whoever needs salvation ??

Dad turned 54 this year, mom crossed half a century. Albeit they arent without thier set of problems, head to toe they're showing signs og aging, but frankly speaking I've never seen them more alive or full of emotions. Its a very charecter amongst us humans, unlike flowers, we dont take it our destiny to wilt and crumble, we fight it everyday. From meds to therapy to creams we use everything to stay constant. Thankfully, my parents have aged gracefully, and thier grace has taught me a lot more than any book has in the last few years. I think Jurong would have had a few fights at home, I wish he had written more about the quality of life.

To all you dillusioned people, who I am thankful to for reading this ( believe me.... you're probably a handful scattered across this planet, and have probably come across this by some random chance... cause I dont publicize this anyway) this blog is about age and education.

Am I educated ?? People say yes.... Do i feel educated ?? NO....
What lies ahead in the future ?? I havent a clue..... People say prosperity, I wonder.
Insanity I think is what this world is heading to. I dont know if I've mentioned this before, but I've read somewhere.. (..and god knows where) that the homo sapien wasnt always conscious of himself. The great Illyad and Odyessey (...by Homer and not some other idiot) spoke about a great war, the chances are that Acchilees and the lot hadnt a clue about what they were doing. They were no better than animals, they were instigated and they fought.

There was a theory which said that we differ due to our deviances. Unfortunately, animals have deviant behaviour too, I knew a Dog ( and the best one i've ever come across) who thought he was human and cats who thought they were dogs. Havent you read in the papers ?? Cats are feeding tiger cubs and seals who thing buoys are thier mates ?? Do you blame humans if they want to be tied up and beaten and cum as a result of that ?? Or for that matter hang upside down for a few days just to see whether they can survive it.

I think all these bombings, all this violence, is natures way of ensuring that we go back to the flint age. The irony is to see how this world is diverse in its functioning, us educated people kill each other for money, we live in cramped spaces and pretend to be happy with a pair of Reebok shoes which we didnt need, but bought with a credit card, who's bill is going to haunt us for ages. Are we really edcucated ?

Those who call themselves our teachers are mighty screwed up. I mean its surprising people havent even realised how mad some of these people are. Its insane how people talk of morality without even looking at themselves, even once. The conscience ladies and gentlemen died long ago. Sadhus and evangelists, talk of living lives in a certain way.. politicians con us, the wannabe teachers fuck our minds, parents fight, people fight, countries fight.... for what may I ask ?

This is not the ranting of some mad freak whos frustrated with life.... This is the ranting of a man whos trying to make a difference. For whom, happiness is primary and all others secondary. Im not going to hang on a rope hoping to move into some galaxy where we have people who are kind and gentle. I dont want kind and gentle creatures, Im not looking for Pandas. Im looking for a mind in human biengs, unfortunately I have been failed time and time again.

You love someone with all you have ? To get what in return ? Nothing at all... you do it for your own satisfaction.... you cry when that someone hurts you.... why ?? not because it makes a friggin difference... but because you feel sad for that person. Mom and Dad lived for me, they gave me everything.... I feel sorry for people who I have loved and have walked away.... you dont deserve me.... you cannot deserve me.... Im better than this.... And this is not narcasissm.... Just because you cant see doesnt mean the world does not have eyes. Unfortunately for a lot of you, who have decided to walk away... my condolences, because you will never realise what it means to give.... to have and to keep...... you havent been shown that way.... it exists believe me.... I just hope that you dont realise it when you're lying on your deathbed, or in some inexcusable situation.... I just hope you stay happy and never realise it at all... Good Luck and god bless...

(This blog was written after a lot of thought, with no alcohol, drugs or any external influence, one early morning. Its cynical, but it just holds the answer to a lot of things I think about everyday.... I will become better than what I have become... is all I can say.... For all those who've stuck around... thanks for doing that.... I promise you havent wasted your time... the rest I do not wish to comment upon anymore... )

Life has only one constant, change, and the best teacher in life is life itself.
In the past one year, Ive been through life changing experiences. Ones where I have felt that I am an agent of change, an individual who is what a lot of people have been in this world. On both counts where I have thought so, I have been a failure. Ive tried making my perspective heard amongst people, and No it is hasnt worked, all my logic and cool senses seem to have waned away in this proces, and when it comes to managing a group of people, my confidence has been hampered severly because it seems that myopic vision rules life in the world today.

NICMAR has been an attempt to better many a thing which otherwise would have been left unattended. People management, I thought, was one of my biggest strengths, sadly, my method of doing has its flaws, the biggest of them bieng that im too democratic in my approach. When it comes to my personal life, I thought that when you're loving you leave behind all else, but sadly it seems like Im a dreamer and Im the only one.

The unpredictability of human nature has left me undone, I am a victim of the lack of ability to understand what has in time lost and won many battles, I am a victim of the human mind.... but cheers.... im down but not out.... i tried and failed.... maybe some other time...

50 blogs in over two years..... i wonder what I've been upto... lol

A very dear and close blogger says... "one email can change your life..... ", why one email..... emails are a writte nmanifestation of ones feelings.... sometimes theyre worth it... sometimes theyre not.... a simple text message.... a 10 second conversation.... no conversation.... no messaging... a withdrawl can change your life... why.... anything can change ur life....

am i now not a prime example..... ?? a bugging changed idiot.... who just changed.... and to no avail... ive changed.... havent i ?? tell me.... who am i ?? what am i ?? ive stood up to what ive needed to be..... i wanted to be one strong guy... the chap who stood there.... but to get shooed away.... is not... me..... its not me.... its not me......

im here... strong and tall......me and my strong mind....